Turn the Volume Up

A few weeks ago, I wrote to you about reinvention and how following my trip to Italy, I felt a longing to reconnect with my wild, true and wise self.  The truth is this conversation about reinvention started within my heart years ago.  

I have half-heartedly listened to this conversation my heart was having with my mind and body, but have done my best to muffle the sounds and keep going.  I heard talk of wanting more, doing less, taking risks, nourishing myself better and living in sacred connection with the earth.....but instead of tuning in, I tuned out. 

I kept my eyes forward, shushed the voices within, smiled and said "Yes, please" to other peoples needs, ideas and decisions even though they weren't mine and didn't fit me.

I didn't do this all of the time, but enough times that my breath felt caught between an inhale and exhale.  Holding.  Waiting.  Which way do I go?

Hence, the reinvention.

Now I am turning the volume up on the voices within. I am listening.  I am journaling.  I am getting on my mat everyday.  I am making space to learn from my heart, body and mind.  

I am studying my birth chart and reading about Human Design.

I am noticing what happens in my body when I am presented with ideas, decisions and even foods.  I am paying attention to what it feels like when my body says YES and when it says NO.

I am taking more time and creating more space for myself to read, write and create.

And after more than 7 years of saying no to retreats (because I can't be away from my daughter, don't have the money, can't make the time.....blah blah blah) I have said YES to a retreat dedicated to understanding my soul's purpose.  

I am doing all of these things amidst the flow of daily life - working, mothering, grocery shopping and walking the dog.  

I am not living on a mountain top or sitting on a meditation cushion all day.

Instead I am just slowing down enough to notice sensation, to hear my thoughts and feel my longings....as I empty the recycling, look for my daughter's library book and chop onions.

I am no longer trying to drown out the conversation with busyness, noise and chaos. 

Instead, I'm here for it.  

The volume is all the way up.

And I am paying attention.

Reinvention can be that simple. 

Sending you all of my love,

Amanda